broken.

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author is me.
it is a new standalone, that i just quickly wrote.
it's completely real, just the characters have changed and i put a few other things into it.
i have taken parts of this from my own diary, so if you could refrain from using any of it, unless you ask, then i'd be so very greatful.
it is just about broken hearts really, and how people can feel so low even if you don't realise it.
never ever waste a moment with someone, because you'll never know when the time will be up.
it's got no swearing in it, so it's probably a U.
but it's quite sad.

dearest dougie,
since you've been gone, my world has crumbled around me. i cry every night, and my body is numb. i feel as if you left me for the better, but for me... i have nothing.
god took an angel, and he sure picked the best one. i still iron your clothes, i still touch your face, i still feel you with me. i wish that i could be there with you, but i have to stay strong for our daughter, dougie.
our daughter, the one who misses you more everyday. the one you won't see grow up, not in person anyway. i dont know why i still write you letters; i guess it's for my own sanity really. it makes me feel close to you.
i miss you baby, you were my everything, my everything. now i'm left with nothing but a reminder of how amazing you were, and how my life was changed by you. she's the only reason i live.
she's the only reason i have to live. i don't see any other reason.
danny, tom and harry miss you too. none of us can believe that it's been 5 years now. it would have been your 25th birthday today. we're having a little party in your memory. it doesn't seem like you've gone.
i don't know whats harder, you being gone, or thinking you're still with me, i just can't see you. you're never going to be just a shadow at the back of my mind, dougie. i can't even see me being with anyone else. that is how much love i have for you.
why did you do it baby? why? did you not think of what it'd do to me? abi? danny, tom, harry? your fans? your family? baby, there were so many reasons for you to live.
why did you feel like you had to end it? all i got was your letter. and that didn't explain anything. i wish i knew, i wish i knew because then maybe i could think things through and realise it might not have had anything to do with me.
my heart was in your hands, and i felt like you'd karate chopped it or something.
dear sazz,
i'm so sorry. i just had to do it. i love you with my whole heart, never forget me.
love always, dougie x
is that all you had to say? all you had to say in your last words? could you not have spoken to me? you broke me in two with this. how could i forget you? i have a child by you, she is a daily reminder of my love for you.
i just don't understand it, i don't understand why. there are so many things i need to say. i could have killed you myself.
come back? i miss you. you changed me. you showed me how to live. you showed me how to love.
and that, i don't think anyone else can do.
love, sazz x

doug,
we miss you man! your fans miss you! sazz misses you! you're such an ars.e for doing this, dude. you should have known you could have talked to us, any one of us.
we were your best friends, your enemies and your brothers. watching them lower you into the ground was heartbreaking. i never imagined i'd have to watch that, never in a million years.
you always seemed so happy. i guess that you can never see when a person is breaking inside. was the fame too much? we could have slowed down.
i don't know why you didn't tell us, did you not trust us? we could have helped. i guess this is just going to be another thing to read up there, big boy.
please reply. we miss you, your voice, your quirky dirty mind.
we never thought we'd have to write letters to our dead best friend. so, i guess this is just hard. and i know you're laughing at that now.
never forget us, say hi to the big guy.
love, tom, harry and danny x

some people are a little damaged.
some are a little chipped.
and some are broken beyond repair.
noone can see that the smile is fake, the heart is breaking bar the person that feels it.
and sometimes, the feeling of being broken is far too much to handle.